☆ STARCROSSED PIMP (yume) wrote,

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"that day, that day i lay down beside myself ..

.. we're all the same but no one thinks so .."
natalie imbruglia - that day

i spent a good portion of the night reading my friend beth's live journal. i really don't know very much about some of the people i know. i read a lot of nisha's live journal the day before too. i feel even more out of touch with everyone then i did before it think, and i don't even know if that bothers me, but i know it should, so i think i've just worked myself up over an empty feeling.

i dunno if that makes any sense.

it's not just hika & nisha though. its everyone.
i haven't talked to jessica in almost a year. she was like my best friend, i should feel really horrible about letting a whole year go by, but i dont, not really. i feel kinda hollow, i guess, cause that lil bit of me she reflected is gone. but .. i dont know if i *really* miss it.

simon told me that she moved to arizona 6 months ago. i think he wanted to shock me, get some kind of pissed off reaction from me. but how can i be pissed of at her, when i didn't make any real effort to see her the 6 months before she moved?

maybe i don't feel any way about it is because as far as i know she didn't make the effort to see me either. one time, on one of those many late nights spent talkng about whatever came up, she told me about these funks she gets into where she wouldn't want to see anyone, and i kept telling myself, she'd understand if i didn't come by as often, but i don't know if thats the real reason i stopped going to see her.

i've gotten into a *funk* but it's not just about not wanting to see people, cause i think deep down i really don't want to be alone like this, but at the same time if i al left alone, i know i'll survive, and its left my indifferent.

"falling out, falling out,
have you ever wondered;
if this was ever more then a crazy idea.

falling out, falling out,
have you ever wondered;
what we might have been if you ever let me in.

i want you, but i want you to understand."
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