god i hate this. and that just makes me hate my job even more. that should make me feel better i think, but it doesn't.
i feel so lost i think, like suddenly i am not myself anymore, and i don't know what to do to be myself ever again. have i come to define myself so much by my job?
i think i'm going to throw up..
i paged shonda to tell her. i need someone to tell me how to do all of this. shonda is the one i always turn to for this kind of advice. i just thought, i'll prolly never see shonda again once i leave. we're not as good of friends outside of work as we used to be.
now i'm starting to have second thoughts (this was always what kept me from leaving before) but i think i have to stand by this decision.
i never wanted this job to begin with, but i was good at it. and i always gave more then was asked. why did it have to come to this?
:') i think i actually feel like crying right now, but i cry so infrequently that i'm not really sure, maybe i just have to go pee, but the nauseous-wanting-to-vomit feeling is making it feel like sorrow..
:D it's my birthday today and my family tried to make it a great day, but everything sucked because of work. this has got to be the worst birthday i've ever had.
hm .. i guess it's the day after my birthday now, since its 12am .. i should go to bed, i have to go into work tomorrow at 7am, unless shonda pages back and tells me not to ..