i've come to realise that i'm not selfish enough to quit my job, no matter how much i hate it.
i really needed this golf resort job to go through.
for the first time in over 10 years i am serisouly depressed. i can't really eat well or sleep. i feel like throwing up every other minute.
i actually have been throwing up before work a little :'D (i love to share. <3)
i kind of feel like going into work right now and telling my boss that i don't want to work there anymore, that i can't bring myself to quit, but i have come to despise everything about the place. just to see if he will fire me on the spot so i can go to sleep today with a semi-clear conscience.
my brother told me that if i really wanted to quit he had enough money saved up that i could go without a job for a little while.
i kind of hate myself XDDD cause i really want to do that.
i really need a friend. i need someone to talk to, but i've seperated myself from everyone.
the only person i talk to on a regular basis is simon and that he had to go and get cancer.
so i can let myself whine and complain to him about my job, but even after that i feel like a jerk. :D