hm .. so (don't i always start sentences like this? i must suck .. a lot) i finished cleaning out the backyard-room at OC, got rid of 5 rooms of stuff, archived a pic (that i think had been archived already .. then de archived). i only got back like 1 pissy e-mail. i am finding that really disconcerting. all the other mods talk about how they receive flame mail all the time, and i've had like 3. in fact most of the mail i've been getting is really nice (even when its an RE to something i've deleted ..) the little negative part of my brain keeps saying this is just the quiet before the storm .. who know.
:l speaking of mods, i was going through the ********* ***** thing (i dunno if im actually allowed to talk about it .. better safe then sorry) and there were a couple of threads about how there really wasn't a need for new mods ect, i didn't really think anything about it since it was a really old topic. but then i was browsing through a couple of the mods journals and there were some things that echoed those old threads.
i don't know what emotion i felt, i've been feeling pretty crappy all day, like im on the verge of vomiting .. my sore throat came back today, i think its mostly that and i dunno i've just been in a crappy mood lately. anyway, it did make me think that maybe i wasn't as welcome at oc as i thought. i don't know why i think like that, i get along with everyone there, even the people i've had fight-things with i'm like chummy chummy with them. maybe it's cause i still don't think uriel likes me.
:l that's something else all together though .. i dunno. i'd like to talk to someone about it, but the last time i tried the person turned out to be a total uriel worshiper and pretty much said it was all my fault - i didn't even know anyone had done anything wrong - so yea ..
hm .. i guess it's not that i think he hates me or anything, it's just a feeling i get that he dislikes me for some reason .. i've gotten this feeling before and it's been 100% on each time, but those were always IRL times, this is the first time i've gotten it from someone online, so i don't really trust it. at the same time it's not like i've even made an effort to get to know him, i just try to stay out of his way and stuff. (and stuff .. i am so mature, i talk the english the best ever). :l i don't want to come across like i don't like uriel, like i said, we don't know each other. i just have stupid feelings.
shufu says stuff about her feelings (i don't really wanna go into it anymore then that) it makes me sad. i haven't known shufu that long, but i think she's neat. i'd really like to get to know her better, she gave me her number, maybe i should call her and try to not be an idiot on the phone thing .. maybe i should practice calling people on a fake phone or something first .. i really cant talk on the phone.
simon called me today (he made me miss farscape - tv rules my life) and we talked for an hour and it was like an hour of him talking and me going 'uh huh' 'yea' 'oh really' .. and i've known simon for like 100 years (really 100).
i want to blame all of this on being sick for the last stupid 3 months, but i think i know deep down i've just become a really sucky person :'D